i am hungry. TOM must be coming...
Yep. it is.
Saturday, May 31, 2014
Wednesday, May 28, 2014
OptiFast week 6 - day 1
Went with mom to pulmonary rehab today - did two 25 minutes sessions on the treadmill and a 15 minute session on the rowboat/pulley/thingy machine. also about 20 minutes of group arm exercises with 5 lb. weights. next time I will go for the 2 or 3 pounders. it was rough. but good.
as for intake - not much to say - shakes are shakes. i think i'll start blending with ice again now that my tooth problem is well past. that should liven things up a bit. not. lol.
I'm glad our group leader continues to weave the importance of exercise thread through our meetings. She says the OptiFast is like the handle on a bathtub faucet, since we have turned it off (or to a drip essentially) all those extra calories are not pouring in, so we are bound to reduce in weight. but, she says, the magic happens when we add exercise to the mix, that way we are also able to widen the drain, so to speak, and let the water (which i guess is fat) run out. i don't want anything clogging up my drain, so i'll be back at it again. if not tomorrow, Friday - i'm scheduled for another meal service at St. Anthony's.
We talked in group last night about this language around diets. If we stray from the plan we tend to say things like "I cheated" or "I was bad" which tends to reinforce the negative self-talk that many people with eating issues already struggle with. Instead, she says, we are always making choices. and sometimes we need to be really choosy about how we spend our daily calorie allotment.
Another group member asked what others did when they "slipped up" on a diet - do they then go completely off or work extra hard the next day at staying on plan or put in more exercise? One answer that I like was someone who said she tended not to give the incident any more power or punish herself by being extra good after a "slip up" but to just see it as such, as an isolated incident and move on with the plan. She used an egg metaphor, if you drop an egg on the floor and it breaks, do you then smash the others down? something like that, anyway. heh. mmmm, i love poached eggs. guess it's time for a shake.
WEIGHT UPDATE:
Highest weight 313.0
OptiFast start weight 306.2
Current weight 290.6
as for intake - not much to say - shakes are shakes. i think i'll start blending with ice again now that my tooth problem is well past. that should liven things up a bit. not. lol.
I'm glad our group leader continues to weave the importance of exercise thread through our meetings. She says the OptiFast is like the handle on a bathtub faucet, since we have turned it off (or to a drip essentially) all those extra calories are not pouring in, so we are bound to reduce in weight. but, she says, the magic happens when we add exercise to the mix, that way we are also able to widen the drain, so to speak, and let the water (which i guess is fat) run out. i don't want anything clogging up my drain, so i'll be back at it again. if not tomorrow, Friday - i'm scheduled for another meal service at St. Anthony's.
We talked in group last night about this language around diets. If we stray from the plan we tend to say things like "I cheated" or "I was bad" which tends to reinforce the negative self-talk that many people with eating issues already struggle with. Instead, she says, we are always making choices. and sometimes we need to be really choosy about how we spend our daily calorie allotment.
Another group member asked what others did when they "slipped up" on a diet - do they then go completely off or work extra hard the next day at staying on plan or put in more exercise? One answer that I like was someone who said she tended not to give the incident any more power or punish herself by being extra good after a "slip up" but to just see it as such, as an isolated incident and move on with the plan. She used an egg metaphor, if you drop an egg on the floor and it breaks, do you then smash the others down? something like that, anyway. heh. mmmm, i love poached eggs. guess it's time for a shake.
WEIGHT UPDATE:
Highest weight 313.0
OptiFast start weight 306.2
Current weight 290.6
Tuesday, May 27, 2014
Hello Gap! OptiFast - end of Week 5
down 1.7 today - to 290.6
was hoping to get into the 80's. ah, well. next week!
still diggin' volunteering at St. Anthony's - 2 days a week there ensures that I get at least 8 hours of walking in, plus carrying bus tubs full of trays and bending to sweep, etc. pretty good exercise that gets me sweaty. tomorrow I'm heading out to Mom's and will be joining her at Mt. D's gym. Looking forward to it.
bored. with. shakes. meh.
was hoping to get into the 80's. ah, well. next week!
still diggin' volunteering at St. Anthony's - 2 days a week there ensures that I get at least 8 hours of walking in, plus carrying bus tubs full of trays and bending to sweep, etc. pretty good exercise that gets me sweaty. tomorrow I'm heading out to Mom's and will be joining her at Mt. D's gym. Looking forward to it.
bored. with. shakes. meh.
Tuesday, May 20, 2014
OptiFast - end week 4
Today I weighed 292.3 - a 3.0 pound loss. total loss so far 13.9 - averaging 3.5 pounds per week. i'm okay with it. not as dramatic as i thought it'd be. i guess i'd imagined major loss each week, like 4+ each time. instead i'm focusing on the overall and celebrating the sum total. looking forward to getting out of the 90's.
Saturday, May 17, 2014
OptiFast week 4 - day 4 - TMI WARNING
Well, I am finally on the mend. I am tapering off the Vicodin and as of today, no longer need to eat bites of food with the doses. yay! Thursday night was rough, the opiates and lack of hydration and exercise finally caught up with me. Thankfully, I had thought to grab a Fleets at the pharmacy when they were ringing up my Vicodin refill that afternoon. I hadn't really thought it would be necessary, boy I was wrong. I ended up having to "install" a dose about 6pm that evening. Jason was on his way out the door to the Giants game while I was trying to give birth out my back end. LOL. the cramps from the Fleets fluid immediately started my belly cramping and i was dizzy and sweaty. I was seriously afraid for him to leave because I thought I was gonna die like Elvis. I suffered along for about half an hour and then some of it gave way - to my total relief and delight, it worked some.
I then headed out to Safeway (again!) for some Milk of Magnesia. man, I was miserable. Took that dose about 9pm and when midnight bedtime rolled around, I was busy! I went from one misery to the other and after about an hour (with about 7 trips to the toilet), i was empty and fell asleep exhausted and drained. (literally).
ok, enough poo talk.
The implant area seems to be healing well, the swelling has gone down a lot, still taking the antibiotics. The corner of my mouth is probably causing the most pain right now, there's a sore there when either it was overstretched or an instrument injured it. in any case, it's healing, too.
this week flew past and I'm certainly glad it's behind me. New Kitty girl (Mini) has a dime sized bald patch between her shoulder blades and this morning the skin there was open and red. not oozing or swollen like a cyst but looks uncomfortable. I'm afraid she has a skin condition as she keeps twitching her coat sorta like a horse does when shaking off flies. that and she jerks her head to groom, like she's responding to an itch or sudden pain. of course it's the weekend. I emailed Give Me Shelter this morning (with a picture) and the director responded right away. She suggested I apply Neosporin and if it doesn't improve, they'll arrange a vet visit. Sad for her. :( of course she managed to lick off the ointment both times we've applied it, hopefully some is remaining and doing some good. I hate that she's uncomfortable. On the plus side, she and Jim are no longer hissing at each other and even mildly curious and coming within a couple feet of each other. Great progress. of course, now, we will be keeping her isolated to the bedroom until she can see a vet, in case what she has is contagious.
suppose that's it for now. the weather went from a crazy mid week heat wave (temps above 90) to today being our typical SF chill and windy. just finished this week's homework and about to finish the last snowflake for the Mom's Christmas lap quilt. I laid a few of them out side by side to see what it'll look like - considered making it into a Christmas tree skirt, because I think she'd be more likely to use that and not a lap quilt. (she'd say it's too nice and put it away somewhere safe). we'll see.
why do i feel the need to document this? i don't know. ow.
I then headed out to Safeway (again!) for some Milk of Magnesia. man, I was miserable. Took that dose about 9pm and when midnight bedtime rolled around, I was busy! I went from one misery to the other and after about an hour (with about 7 trips to the toilet), i was empty and fell asleep exhausted and drained. (literally).
ok, enough poo talk.
The implant area seems to be healing well, the swelling has gone down a lot, still taking the antibiotics. The corner of my mouth is probably causing the most pain right now, there's a sore there when either it was overstretched or an instrument injured it. in any case, it's healing, too.
this week flew past and I'm certainly glad it's behind me. New Kitty girl (Mini) has a dime sized bald patch between her shoulder blades and this morning the skin there was open and red. not oozing or swollen like a cyst but looks uncomfortable. I'm afraid she has a skin condition as she keeps twitching her coat sorta like a horse does when shaking off flies. that and she jerks her head to groom, like she's responding to an itch or sudden pain. of course it's the weekend. I emailed Give Me Shelter this morning (with a picture) and the director responded right away. She suggested I apply Neosporin and if it doesn't improve, they'll arrange a vet visit. Sad for her. :( of course she managed to lick off the ointment both times we've applied it, hopefully some is remaining and doing some good. I hate that she's uncomfortable. On the plus side, she and Jim are no longer hissing at each other and even mildly curious and coming within a couple feet of each other. Great progress. of course, now, we will be keeping her isolated to the bedroom until she can see a vet, in case what she has is contagious.
suppose that's it for now. the weather went from a crazy mid week heat wave (temps above 90) to today being our typical SF chill and windy. just finished this week's homework and about to finish the last snowflake for the Mom's Christmas lap quilt. I laid a few of them out side by side to see what it'll look like - considered making it into a Christmas tree skirt, because I think she'd be more likely to use that and not a lap quilt. (she'd say it's too nice and put it away somewhere safe). we'll see.
poor Mini Minnie girl
Tuesday, May 13, 2014
OptiFast - end of week 3
Got the tooth pulled and the hardware place for the implant today. I managed to make it to Kaiser for the weigh in and to pick up product but didn't stay for the meeting. Alternating between woozy, dopey, weepy and exquisite pain. I was advised not to eat anything after midnight last night, no problem, heh. Had my first shake about 2pm, post procedure. it went down fine. but my new pill regimen is Vicodin and Amoxicillin and my stomach is worn out, tired, protesting. The thought of trying to chew a protein bar gives me the heebie jeebies. but i had to eat something - ended up being a half cup of refried beans. that did the trick. also, because of all the narcotics, i'm noticing i went from urgency and constant diarrhea (the doctor wondered if i'm lactose intolerant 'cause i haven't had a solid poo since starting OptiFast) to backed up (constipated).
wonder if that's part of the reason i didn't lose much this week - i'm full of shit! so i chased my pain pills and antibiotic with some Metamucil and 4 Colace. i can't believe how many pills I've eaten in the past 4 days or so. i've been slacking on my water, too. I usually do at least 3 liters a day, no problem. but i like it with ice - especially during these warm days we've been having, but ice is not tolerable with these tooth issues, so i've just been having less.
Today the scale showed a loss of 0.4
down to 295.3
not thrilled about it, but it's still a loss.
moving on....
wonder if that's part of the reason i didn't lose much this week - i'm full of shit! so i chased my pain pills and antibiotic with some Metamucil and 4 Colace. i can't believe how many pills I've eaten in the past 4 days or so. i've been slacking on my water, too. I usually do at least 3 liters a day, no problem. but i like it with ice - especially during these warm days we've been having, but ice is not tolerable with these tooth issues, so i've just been having less.
Today the scale showed a loss of 0.4
down to 295.3
not thrilled about it, but it's still a loss.
BIONIC MOUTH
Monday, May 12, 2014
OptiFast week 3 - day 6
what a miserable last few days i've had. i'm on my second bottle (refill) of Tylenol #3 - taking them about every 4 hours to keep the awful tooth pain at bay. i feel dopey, lethargic and constipated. got the oral surgeon's office to squeeze me in this week, and then to expedite the process so instead of just having a consultation when I go tomorrow, i'll be prepared to have the procedure done if time permits. tonight i picked up the post procedure mouthwash i'll use, the (large quantity of) amoxicillan i'll be taking and some vicodin. I tried taking vicodin in place of the tylenol #3 a hour or so ago and it didn't work! i guess there's a reason my dentist prescribed what she did - perhaps codeine is more effective with nerve pain? in any case, i'm sufficiently drugged and really bummed out. my poor liver. can't wait 'til this is over. tomorrow is my weigh in and meeting day. obviously, i wasn't able to stay 100% on the product this week, having bites of bananas and some cheddar cheese and milk to keep from being so nauseous. thankfully, those little bits didn't make me want to eat more. i doubt the scale will be affected because some days i didn't manage to get all my products in... at this point, i really don't even care. not that i don't care overall, like in general, i just don't care right now. meh. argh.
Saturday, May 10, 2014
OptiFast week 3 - day 4
well, shit. that temporary filling my dentist put in started to break down and got wedged in the crack in my molar. imagine one of the metal blade pieces that are used to split logs - being driven down into the heart of my toof. damn, it hurt. so i called and so they sent a prescription over to Safeway. Tylenol with codeine sweet relief. there is nothin' like a toothache.
i visited her again today to have her take a look. she removed the offending piece and some of the pressure was gone. she also sent a refill for the Tylenol #3s, I am burning through them like nobody's biz. I really don't like the way they make me feel - dopey but not sleepy. and NAUSEOUS. each dose sets my stomach to churning. Pharmacist said to take them with food and I thought the shakes would suffice. they don't. :( so i'm caught between tooth pain or stomach trouble. i'll take the stomach trouble and keep taking the pills. my consultation is Tuesday morning, just gotta make it 'til then.
actually I don't know that they'll extract it the same day or if I'll hafta return. anyway - the end is in sight. in the meantime, I had to email and notify Dr. Alexander that I'm on them and also asked/said that I'd need to make a food choice - something to help the pills settle better on my stomach. i'm avoiding carb choices entirely, today with my first dose I had one scrambled egg. second dose I had a small banana. next one i'll try half a can of no added salt green beans. all low cal, natural and sugar and carb free foods.
i am not - i repeat not - going to feel bad about eating temporarily. i also am not going to use it as an excuse to "really eat". i'm looking at it as a necessary temporary situation and give myself permission to not lose (much) weight this week. i will be happy if i maintain. fuckin' tooth. argh.
WOOT - we are fostering to adopt a kitty girl tomorrow! she's been housed at our neighborhood Petco for a little over a month now. I stopped in yesterday to pick up vittles for Jim and there she was - still there! I was surprised, remembered her immediately for her friendliness and charm. I spoke to a woman from the all-volunteer run cat rescue organization that is behind the adoptions (called Gimme Shelter). She understands we are slightly trepidatious due to not knowing how Jimmy will react, she is going to bring her over tomorrow at 2:30 for a trial run/introduction. We plan to keep them separated and go slow, following their lead. i am really excited and a tad nervous. Jim is going to shit bricks. heh. I want him to have a companion tho, for when we're gone during the day and when we go on trips. I HOPE they become pals. fingers crossed.
i visited her again today to have her take a look. she removed the offending piece and some of the pressure was gone. she also sent a refill for the Tylenol #3s, I am burning through them like nobody's biz. I really don't like the way they make me feel - dopey but not sleepy. and NAUSEOUS. each dose sets my stomach to churning. Pharmacist said to take them with food and I thought the shakes would suffice. they don't. :( so i'm caught between tooth pain or stomach trouble. i'll take the stomach trouble and keep taking the pills. my consultation is Tuesday morning, just gotta make it 'til then.
actually I don't know that they'll extract it the same day or if I'll hafta return. anyway - the end is in sight. in the meantime, I had to email and notify Dr. Alexander that I'm on them and also asked/said that I'd need to make a food choice - something to help the pills settle better on my stomach. i'm avoiding carb choices entirely, today with my first dose I had one scrambled egg. second dose I had a small banana. next one i'll try half a can of no added salt green beans. all low cal, natural and sugar and carb free foods.
i am not - i repeat not - going to feel bad about eating temporarily. i also am not going to use it as an excuse to "really eat". i'm looking at it as a necessary temporary situation and give myself permission to not lose (much) weight this week. i will be happy if i maintain. fuckin' tooth. argh.
WOOT - we are fostering to adopt a kitty girl tomorrow! she's been housed at our neighborhood Petco for a little over a month now. I stopped in yesterday to pick up vittles for Jim and there she was - still there! I was surprised, remembered her immediately for her friendliness and charm. I spoke to a woman from the all-volunteer run cat rescue organization that is behind the adoptions (called Gimme Shelter). She understands we are slightly trepidatious due to not knowing how Jimmy will react, she is going to bring her over tomorrow at 2:30 for a trial run/introduction. We plan to keep them separated and go slow, following their lead. i am really excited and a tad nervous. Jim is going to shit bricks. heh. I want him to have a companion tho, for when we're gone during the day and when we go on trips. I HOPE they become pals. fingers crossed.
Friday, May 09, 2014
OptiFast week 3 - day 3
It's been a good week, spent the past two days volunteering. Thursday at Glide and today again at St. Anthony's. Had a lot of fun, it was good to get out of the house and participate in things. Got some steps in, too. Sore but happy.
I finally pulled the trigger on Chamberlain School of Nursing - i'm enrolled in my first class - Transitions in Nursing. so yay.
here are some pics.
I finally pulled the trigger on Chamberlain School of Nursing - i'm enrolled in my first class - Transitions in Nursing. so yay.
here are some pics.
Tuesday, May 06, 2014
OptiFast - week 2 done!
I lost 5.8 pounds this week, down to 295.7 - down 10.5 total. i overheard someone else in the group sharing about their 20lb loss so far. i was happy for him. and for a nanosecond disappointed in comparing my loss so far. how silly is that? i am not competitive. also, he is a guy. and bigger than me. AND i have my period this week. so - so what? all i care is that i lost and am feeling good.
i enrolled at Chamberlain School of Nursing today and start class tmw. Hoping to earn my BSN in less than a year. to the tune of $18,000. considering the entirety of my academic career up to this point has been at community college, the tuition comes with a little sticker price shock. i know it will be worth the investment, though. hopefully it will open some doors.
our group leader, Ann shared a micro synopsis of Michael Pollen's book "In Defense of Food" with us tonight -
Eat real food
Not too much
Mostly plants
love it.
i enrolled at Chamberlain School of Nursing today and start class tmw. Hoping to earn my BSN in less than a year. to the tune of $18,000. considering the entirety of my academic career up to this point has been at community college, the tuition comes with a little sticker price shock. i know it will be worth the investment, though. hopefully it will open some doors.
our group leader, Ann shared a micro synopsis of Michael Pollen's book "In Defense of Food" with us tonight -
Eat real food
Not too much
Mostly plants
love it.
Sunday, May 04, 2014
OptiFast week 2 - day 5
man, i was hungry tonight.
not stomach hungry, i can usually take care of that with the products. this was mind hunger. a form of mild panic. i need to eat. need to eat. need to eat. something baaaaaad. a giant burger for example. i was dreaming of it for about an hour. probably didn't help i was watching food reviews on youtube. doh.
went to Safeway to pick up a few things and drove slowly and thoughtfully past SmashBurger. Jason and I ate there once last year when it opened. It wasn't good. sodium was about the only flavor you could distinguish. and here i was wanting it tonight. in a bad way. then i did a Nancy Reagan. and just said no.
After I got home I was still squirmy and mind hungry. I grabbed my pedometer and walked over to the park. and kept walking. during the 4th go around the field, Jason came to walk with me. 7 laps, one hour, 1.8 miles - 5,700 steps. came home and showered. the mind is now quiet.
good choices are not always easy choices.
bought our tickets for Mexico today!
Looking forward to seeing some results Tuesday - it's almost here!
UPDATE: I woke up the next morning with ... my period! i was happy to see it (LOL) because I had been worried about that intense episode of unexplained hunger. The thing is, I haven't been hungry like that since starting the product, so I was worried that I might be slipping or even that I may not make the entirety of the 15 weeks on product, if I was having issues so early on. so, yay! there was a reason. and i'm so glad i didn't cave to the PMS monster.
also, Dr. A said everything is a-ok. and that I can go down to 8 products now instead of 9. i'm glad. for the last couple of days i wasn't drinking the last one anyway. although I do find it helpful to have a little something in my stomach near bedtime. hard to sleep with a grumbly tummy.
not stomach hungry, i can usually take care of that with the products. this was mind hunger. a form of mild panic. i need to eat. need to eat. need to eat. something baaaaaad. a giant burger for example. i was dreaming of it for about an hour. probably didn't help i was watching food reviews on youtube. doh.
went to Safeway to pick up a few things and drove slowly and thoughtfully past SmashBurger. Jason and I ate there once last year when it opened. It wasn't good. sodium was about the only flavor you could distinguish. and here i was wanting it tonight. in a bad way. then i did a Nancy Reagan. and just said no.
After I got home I was still squirmy and mind hungry. I grabbed my pedometer and walked over to the park. and kept walking. during the 4th go around the field, Jason came to walk with me. 7 laps, one hour, 1.8 miles - 5,700 steps. came home and showered. the mind is now quiet.
good choices are not always easy choices.
bought our tickets for Mexico today!
Looking forward to seeing some results Tuesday - it's almost here!
UPDATE: I woke up the next morning with ... my period! i was happy to see it (LOL) because I had been worried about that intense episode of unexplained hunger. The thing is, I haven't been hungry like that since starting the product, so I was worried that I might be slipping or even that I may not make the entirety of the 15 weeks on product, if I was having issues so early on. so, yay! there was a reason. and i'm so glad i didn't cave to the PMS monster.
also, Dr. A said everything is a-ok. and that I can go down to 8 products now instead of 9. i'm glad. for the last couple of days i wasn't drinking the last one anyway. although I do find it helpful to have a little something in my stomach near bedtime. hard to sleep with a grumbly tummy.
Saturday, May 03, 2014
OptiFast week 2 - day 4
I may be the only person in history to go on a meal replacement plan that is 80% liquid and crack a tooth. damn.
At Tuesday's meeting, someone suggested putting the Peppermint Cocoa protein bars in the freezer and it's been hot as Hades lately so I did. it made them hard as rocks. i should have let it thaw a bit. i didn't have to bite. i wasn't even hungry. :(
and OF COURSE my dentist's office is closed til Monday on account of a dental convention. thank god it doesn't seem to involve the root/pulp. even more grateful that it does not hurt. i am hoping there is enough tooth left (around the big filling there) that they can fashion a nub for a crown to fit on.
heading over to Kaiser to get my blood drawn for Tuesday's meet with Dr. A. Plan to walk around Jackson Park later this afternoon and test out the pedometer we were given at Tuesday's appt.
thassit for now.
oh, my pants (the only ones that fit me currently) are feeling oh so slightly less clingy in the calf area.
At Tuesday's meeting, someone suggested putting the Peppermint Cocoa protein bars in the freezer and it's been hot as Hades lately so I did. it made them hard as rocks. i should have let it thaw a bit. i didn't have to bite. i wasn't even hungry. :(
and OF COURSE my dentist's office is closed til Monday on account of a dental convention. thank god it doesn't seem to involve the root/pulp. even more grateful that it does not hurt. i am hoping there is enough tooth left (around the big filling there) that they can fashion a nub for a crown to fit on.
heading over to Kaiser to get my blood drawn for Tuesday's meet with Dr. A. Plan to walk around Jackson Park later this afternoon and test out the pedometer we were given at Tuesday's appt.
thassit for now.
oh, my pants (the only ones that fit me currently) are feeling oh so slightly less clingy in the calf area.
Thursday, May 01, 2014
OptiFast week 2 - day 2
GOT DANG it is hot this week. makes me glad for the icy shakes. getting over the cold. hope to get my blood draw done Saturday (for Tuesday meet with Dr. Alexander to check electrolytes/progress) and go for a walk at Stow Lake, hopefully in cooler temps. Applied for a Critical Care Training Program at SFGH today. fingers crossed.
Our group leader Ann gave us rubber bracelets that say - Only If/Even If as a reminder to do exercise. The idea being that everyone has the best of intentions but bargains with themselves - for example - I will exercise only if the weather is nice.... She wants us to think even if. Even if it is 92 degrees outside, I will exercise. gads, i hate the heat. and my Only If is only if I don't have to sweat a bunch. 'cause I am quite a sweater. of course, there's the pool... ;)
staying on the plan.
sandy
Our group leader Ann gave us rubber bracelets that say - Only If/Even If as a reminder to do exercise. The idea being that everyone has the best of intentions but bargains with themselves - for example - I will exercise only if the weather is nice.... She wants us to think even if. Even if it is 92 degrees outside, I will exercise. gads, i hate the heat. and my Only If is only if I don't have to sweat a bunch. 'cause I am quite a sweater. of course, there's the pool... ;)
staying on the plan.
this stuff is good.
sandy
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